Things I've learned in my first year of motherhood

As my daughter's first birthday quickly approaches, I have been trying to reflect on all of the lessons I have learned over this past year. I don't think I will be able to write them all down here (mostly because I don't remember them all right now!). Here is a list of some of the most important things.

1) Don't mess with a Mama Bear!

Any mother, or soon-to-be mother, will attest to this. Mess with my kids, prepare to die.

2) Trust your gut

Over this past year I have really learned how to listen to my "motherly instinct". When E was first born, I didn't think I would ever have it, but I really have learned how to be in tune with my gut feelings on many things, especially when it comes to matters concerning E.

3) Parenthood=unpredictability

This was (and still is) the HARDEST lesson for me to learn. I am a very Type A, "the schedule rules" person. Having a baby pretty much shatters that thinking to pieces. I'm still working on it.

4) There will be times when cutting a piece of clothing off is better than trying to save it.

5) There is no "perfect" mother or father.

As a self-proclaimed perfectionist, this one is a tough lesson for me. I find that I compare myself to other parents, especially other moms, all the time. This is honestly a waste of time, because what's right for one mom and baby may not be for another mom and baby, but I still find myself doing it. This is also something I am still working on. Check back in 18 years.

6) Sleep is overrated.

7) Kids adapt to change better than their parents.

This is so true for E. She has shown us over the past year that, overall, she's a pretty adaptable kid. She just accepts things the way they are and moves with the cheese, so to speak. I think there is a lesson in that for all of us.

8) She's a baby, not a robot.

If I had a dime for every time my husband has said this to me, I would be rich. Sometimes, I get so schedule-oriented that I forget she has off days like the rest of us.

9) One day at a time, because tomorrow could be completely different.

See number 8 if you're wondering how I handle this lesson!

10) Live in the moment. Life in kid years goes by way too fast!

Sometimes I am saddened by the fact that I will never get to have E at 2 months old, or 6 months old anymore. But at the same time I am excited for the years to come to watch her grow.

So, in a few days E will be past the threshold of her first year, and on to so many more developmental milestones than I can imagine. The other day I found myself looking through her photo album, and I got a little teary. Looking at her at 6 weeks old and thinking we can never get that back is sad. I try to remind myself of this every day, and am really working on trying to live in the moment with her. Soon, she will be a big sister (at 14 months old!) and it will be even more important for me to focus on the now. We'll see how it goes!

Pajamas vs. Heels

I am really grateful to have been raised by parents who taught me that as a woman I have so many opportunities in life outside of staying home. These beliefs led me to pursue a career in Music Education and obtain my Masters, and I don't regret it one single bit. But now that I have one child with another on the way, I am in a constant back-and-forth with myself about working vs. not working.

This is not to say that being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) is not work. On the contrary. This is actually the hardest job I have ever had, but the most rewarding. I am thankful that I have been able to stay home with E for the past year, and have a husband who has been working his tail off to ensure that happens. However, the time has come for me (and him) to question whether I should try to look for something full-time and when that would be. I'm not going to lie; sometimes I crave finding a job outside the house and having that "working girl" mentality again. Being a SAHM can be very isolating at times, and if it weren't for my close-knit community of moms, I would probably have gone mad by now. However, while I crave the professional atmosphere, there is much enjoyment in being able to stay in my jammies and play with E in the mornings and not have to worry about putting on heels.

There is always the unfortunate fact that I stress all the time about money (among other things). While I am doing an extremely important job right now, truth be told it doesn't rake in the dough. My private lessons are something, but they aren't much, not enough to pay all the bills. But, how does one walk into a job interview 6 1/2 months pregnant and expect to be taken seriously? As much as I may want to look for a job right now, I'm not sure anyone would even consider hiring me. They would probably take one look at me and see a huge "maternity leave" sign flashing over my head.

The other question weighing heavy on my conscience is do I take another year off for the second child, since I did that for the first? And so begins the "second child syndrome"; trying to do everything for the second that you did for the first. But, sometimes I wonder if that's even possible. The circumstances with every child are different, and so I'm not sure that everything can be equivalent.

So, right now, I am going day-by-day, which if you know me, drives me absolutely bonkers. I don't have a plan, not even for next week. It's all gray area right now, and we all know how I feel about the color gray!