Pajamas vs. Heels

I am really grateful to have been raised by parents who taught me that as a woman I have so many opportunities in life outside of staying home. These beliefs led me to pursue a career in Music Education and obtain my Masters, and I don't regret it one single bit. But now that I have one child with another on the way, I am in a constant back-and-forth with myself about working vs. not working.

This is not to say that being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) is not work. On the contrary. This is actually the hardest job I have ever had, but the most rewarding. I am thankful that I have been able to stay home with E for the past year, and have a husband who has been working his tail off to ensure that happens. However, the time has come for me (and him) to question whether I should try to look for something full-time and when that would be. I'm not going to lie; sometimes I crave finding a job outside the house and having that "working girl" mentality again. Being a SAHM can be very isolating at times, and if it weren't for my close-knit community of moms, I would probably have gone mad by now. However, while I crave the professional atmosphere, there is much enjoyment in being able to stay in my jammies and play with E in the mornings and not have to worry about putting on heels.

There is always the unfortunate fact that I stress all the time about money (among other things). While I am doing an extremely important job right now, truth be told it doesn't rake in the dough. My private lessons are something, but they aren't much, not enough to pay all the bills. But, how does one walk into a job interview 6 1/2 months pregnant and expect to be taken seriously? As much as I may want to look for a job right now, I'm not sure anyone would even consider hiring me. They would probably take one look at me and see a huge "maternity leave" sign flashing over my head.

The other question weighing heavy on my conscience is do I take another year off for the second child, since I did that for the first? And so begins the "second child syndrome"; trying to do everything for the second that you did for the first. But, sometimes I wonder if that's even possible. The circumstances with every child are different, and so I'm not sure that everything can be equivalent.

So, right now, I am going day-by-day, which if you know me, drives me absolutely bonkers. I don't have a plan, not even for next week. It's all gray area right now, and we all know how I feel about the color gray!