Day 1 of the "couch-contained" month

in·va·lid

¹   [in-vuh-lid; Brit. in-vuh-leed] Show IPA

–noun

1.

an infirm or sickly person.

2.

a person who is too sick or weak to care for himself or herself: My father was an invalid the last ten years of his life.

3.

Archaic. a member of the armed forces disabled for active service.

–adjective

4.

unable to care for oneself due to infirmity or disability: his invalid sister.

5.

of or for invalids: in

valid diets.

6.

(of things) in poor or weakened condition: the invalid state of his rocking chair.

Yep. This is pretty much me right now. An invalid, unable to really care for myself, my household, or my 8 1/2 month old daughter. If you ask me, this is something that no 29 year-old wants to hear. "Nothing for the next month." So, I called back today, pleading with the doctor to let me at least teach my lessons. I mean, after all, I AM sitting the whole time. And, really, no swimming? I mean, no wading in the pool just to cool off, or just to be able to do Family Swim with my daughter and husband? And driving, I mean, really, I AM sitting down doing that as well. Her answer, maybe a little more firm this time "nothing for the next month."

So, here I am, officially day 1 of my month-long "sentencing" so to speak. Don't get me wrong, I know it's for the best and I have to think about the baby, but can you imagine yourself doing nothing for a month? Having to look at the mess in the kitchen, or the pile of laundry on the floor and not being able to do anything about it. And, looking down at your little girl and knowing that each time you go to pick her up, you are risking your life and the life of the child inside you. Pretty heavy consequences if you ask me. So that's why I am surrendering and letting everybody do everything for me. It sucks. I know some people would think it's paradise, but if I am going to sit and do nothing and have people wait on me, I'd rather it be on some five-star vacation in the tropics. Not in my living room.

So, this is a very "day-by-day" process, which is not my nature. I am a planner, I like to know what's happening next, and what we are going to do about it. This day-to-day crap is sucking the life out of me. Will I be better, worse, or the same tomorrow? Who knows. This whole day-to-day stuff applies to my brother as well. He's been in the ICU for four days now, and has had many ups and downs already. Monday, he was okay, but Tuesday, he was worse. Today, he is the same. Tomorrow? Who knows. When I think about what is going on with me, and what is going on with my brother, I think about what is going on inside my mother's head. One in the hospital is enough, but another on bed rest because of complications with her pregnancy, well that just may be the straw. Seriously, I couldn't do this month on my butt without her (and my husband, father, sister, aunts, cousins, friends, etc). Everyone who has offered to help in any way is a saint in my eyes. And I owe you all, like, really owe you. The problem is, how do you thank people for stuff like this. It seems like a 99 cent card from CVS just doesn't cut it. Maybe winning the lottery and giving everyone a cut would do it, but let's face it, I haven't had the best luck in the past few days. So, maybe you just keep telling them how much you appreciate them, that you couldn't do this without them, and that you love them. But, for some reason, that just doesn't seem like enough.

So, we are just surviving through every day right now. I guess we will see what tomorrow brings.