Let's talk about parenthood first. As soon as you become a parent, you very quickly realize that this is not your carefree, do whatever life anymore. The thing most parents would say gets sacrificed first is sleep. However, I don't believe that's it. See, I think the very first thing we learn as parents is that we are no longer in control of everything. I certainly learned that the hard way during E's birth, and then when I was up every one to two hours in those first months. I think we learn how to cope with this loss of control, but understand that nothing is predictable anymore. I believe that the first rule of parenting, beyond loving your children unconditionally, is completely understanding that your life will be made up of sacrifices once you have a child. I am living a sacrifice right now with the loss of my "freedom", so to speak. I am doing this for my son, and would do it a hundred times more if I had to. The people around me are more than willing to help because most of them are all parents too. Those who aren't are good people and that's why they are friends.
There is a constant dichotomy happening in my brain nowadays. It started the minute E was born, and I don't think it will ever go away. This would be the "devil on one shoulder, angel on the other" sort of dichotomy. Examples? Well, let's see. When I was nursing E and it was a fight every day, I just wanted to quit. The devil said do it, the angel said keep going because it was so good for her. And now, every time I get up to do something, the devil says "you're feeling fine, don't act so lazy" and the angel says "think about your son, do what you are supposed to". It's downright exhausting sometimes to have this back and forth conversation with myself. Like most people, the angel usually wins (except for the whole nursing episode, which is a completely different blog entry), because it represents sacrifice itself.
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So now, let's talk about sacrifice in relationships, but more specifically marriage. In my experience, a breakdown of a marriage can be explained very clearly...one person or both people stopped sacrificing for the other. It's a daily thing in marriage, right? To sacrifice for the other person? Most of the time it's small things, like, your husband is late for work so you let him have the bathroom first, even though you REALLY have to pee. Sometimes, though, it's bigger things, like, your wife is pregnant and is on bed rest for a month, so everything from housework to child care rests on your shoulders. And if you think I am talking about my husband, you're right. Sacrifice doesn't come without frustration. I could see the frustrating look in hubby's eyes this morning as he was running horribly late for work, but had to clean and get E dressed. It breaks my heart that everything rests on him right now, because usually we split things evenly. As soon of one of us stops understanding HOW and WHY to sacrifice for the other, then I think we will be walking down a bumpy road. We are both making sacrifices right now, and they are for the same reason, our son. As long as we keep that in mind, I believe we will be okay.
In truly loving someone, comes sacrifice. And for all that sacrificing, you get a lot back. You are rewarded with companionship, love, respect, and the feeling that someone will do that for you, too. As a parent, your constant surrender and sacrifice gives you the joy of raising your children and knowing you are doing the best for them.
So, on I go in this life, making sacrifices for those I love and being happy (most of the time) to do it.
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