Day 2- Things are looking up- then down-then up....

I've found myself having wavering moods lately. I know, I know- surprise! I'm pregnant. Everybody knows that pregnant women have a tendency toward mood swings, that is nothing new. But I think that being stuck in the house makes it a little more potent. I did get to sit outside yesterday a couple times, and enjoyed a nice visit from a good friend and her daughter, so that always helps my mood. I've decided to do something, a little exercise, every day to see if it helps me stay positive. I am going to try and identify positive things that are in my life, and write them down.

See, I think one of the hardest things about being so limited is it's isolating. It's kind of like how I felt when my daughter was first born and, since I had a c-section, I was not allowed to drive, lift, or do anything strenuous for 6 weeks. PLUS, I had a newborn and was trying to cope with that whole life-changing occurrence. At least now, I have a great relationship with my daughter and we have somewhat more of a schedule down, which makes it a little easier to bear. But, the isolation is what kills me. And, yes, there are people here to talk to, I understand that. I am not LONELY, I just feel isolated from the outside world. I can't even run up to the pharmacy to get a prescription. Everything is such a dramatic production. My mother did my groceries for me yesterday, for which I am grateful. Even though I HATE doing groceries, I would kill to do them right now. It also doesn't help that I am not really in the frame of mind of being on bed rest yet. For example, yesterday I was thinking about a few things I needed to pick up at Target, and started planning out in my head the day today and how I would run to Target after E ate lunch but before her nap. Then, I had to stop myself and say "wait a sec, you CAN'T do any of that!!!". It's so frustrating. But, enough with the negative. Here is a list of positive stuff for today:

1) This totally has to be number 1: My brother seems to be doing a lot better. He is more coherent, and back to himself.

2) I have a husband who loves me, E, and the new babe, and will do anything he has to to ensure we are safe, healthy, happy, and provided for.

3) I have found out how many people, whether near or far, care about me and my family.

4) Since I am pregnant, I can have a McDonald's shake every day and not feel an ounce of guilt. (until, of course, it's time to go back to the gym)

5) I have a whole church family who is praying for me, the new babe, and my brother. If that doesn't make you feel loved, I'm not sure what does.

6) E has already smiled at me at least 3 times today, and it's only 11 am.

7) Even though she isn't napping at the moment, she isn't screaming either.

8) Grey's Anatomy is on tonight, it's one of my favorite shows (hey, I'll draw a positive from wherever I have to)

9) It's sunny out today, and we haven't had any depressing rain.

10) I'm feeling better today, physically.

So, let me talk a little more about number 10. I am feeling a lot better today physically, and have not had any bleeding since yesterday morning. I am absolutely psyched about that, but also fear that this might be a bit dangerous. Why, you ask? Because the way that I am, if I am feeling better, than all I want to do is go, go, go. Clean the bathroom, pick up the house, do some errands. Be the person I am used to being, and the person my husband is used to having. It's really hard to hold myself back and MAKE myself do nothing. It's kind of like when you have an infection, and the doctor prescribes an antibiotic, and after 3 days you feel better, but you have a 10-day dose. You don't see the need to keep taking it since you feel better. But, the reason you have a dose for 10 days is to ensure that your body is completely healed of the infection and to give you time to bounce back. So, that's how I think of this. I feel better today, but there is a reason why the doctor said a month of nothing. If you think about it, what is going on inside of me is quite a miracle, and very fragile, and I am NOT about to mess around with that.

So, on with the positive thinking......most of the time. Hey, I'm only human, right?